Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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