Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
