Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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