I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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