It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
