dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
pop tarts are not kleenex
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
