my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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