you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
