Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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