I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
