Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
