no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
