there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize