Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
How does one acquire holy water?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
