On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Send help, water and tortillas.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
