today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
