i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
