Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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