He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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