Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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