Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
