dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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