i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
