Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
