All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
