About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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