The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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