Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
