Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
