Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
