You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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