The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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