If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
