Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
