Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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