better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
