I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
