If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
