Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
