how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
This baby is an asshole
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
