hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
