everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
