i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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