Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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