I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
