To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's blow job season.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize