one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
