Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
