Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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