either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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