I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize