put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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