we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
