It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
