You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My nipple is on Facebook.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize