i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
