I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Houston, we have a squirter
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
