Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Randomize
