she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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