I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
