told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
