A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
