is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
