Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
