Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
