New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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