he puts the penis in happiness.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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