you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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