So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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