i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
