ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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