That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
