Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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