see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My vagina is officially offended.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
