My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
