Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize