There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
do nipples grow back?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
