I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
