I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
