I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
