He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
