i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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