He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
