is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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