i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
