I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
