So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
