he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
