Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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