I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
