Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
