I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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