Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
