I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
