i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
