I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
