My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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