i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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