He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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