quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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