is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
