pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize