the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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