Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
