I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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