porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
A bitchslap is in order.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
