You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
