dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i would punch a child for taco bell
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
